can you really have a life strategy?

You and I are the sum of our parts -- a combination of everything from early childhood to last week's dinner table conversation. All of those parts work together - or integrate - to form the way we live our lives, make decisions and plan our future.

We can't control the future, but we can control the choices we make today that influence the options we have tomorrow. To some people, life just happens. If you could measure your ability to live according to your full potential, how are you living? 100%? 60%?

If someone offered to help you discover how to live 100% according to your design, what would you do? Ask any business planner, having a plan does not guarantee results, but having a plan sure does guarantee better results than having no plan!

Your life strategy is

• a look back at what has influenced your life until now,
• an honest look in the mirror at who you are today, and
• a hopeful look into the future based on your unique gifting and design.

So, do you think you are living your whole life now?

the moral bucket list

This is circling our staff like lightening. Starts with a simple vision about a person who radiates an inner light. They are not thinking of themselves at all, but looking after others. The "sadder thought" is that "I have not achieved that." Hooray for that sad thought! What better motivation to move in that direction, through

• humility
• confronting weakness
• depending on others
• energizing love
• following the call and
• taking the conscience leap from "neediness into constancy"

This NYT op-ed article is an excerpt from David Brooks' "The Road to Character."

5 simple ways to self health

It's time we admit it, the way health care works these days there is nobody looking out for your health or your pocketbook but you. Yesterday after 25 years of treatment for hypothyroidism, I met a practitioner who identified why I might be tanking in the afternoons. I won't go into the intricate details of T3 and T4 manufacturing in the body, but let's just say for the first time in 25 years the future looks bright.

Great health is the foundation of a great life - fully lived as opposed to nursing a list of ailments and grievances. How can we be well heart, soul, mind and strength? It's a process of self discovery. Admittedly, my best plan may not be yours. There are so many variables in self care and health management, there's really nobody who can manage that better than you.

So, what next?

Especially if you are a woman in your 40s, you might wonder if you are crazy or, worse, going through peri-menopause. Before you run to the doctor or the pharmacy, check out this 360º check list:

• Have I had enough sleep? Sleep can affect the cortisol levels that impact weight gain. It also impacts brain activity. How happy are you when your computer runs 80% of the time? How much more would your boss say it would be nice for you to be 100% engaged in your work?
• What did I have to eat lately? Don't get caught up in rules about food. Keep a log of how you feel after you eat and seek out foods that give you energy. Unless you've mapped a plan for an afternoon nap, pasta at lunch might not be your best choice. Can't sleep? How much caffeine or sugar did you have after dinner?
• Have I had enough exercise? Ditch the voices in your head that tell you that all the things your should be doing. No time for the gym? All you need to stimulate the dopamine levels in your brain, reduce heart disease and improve the receptors in your cerebral cortex is 20 minutes a day. Nobody can tell you what that 20 minutes needs to be. As long as it raises your heart rate, it's good for you. Maybe it includes your dog, a bike or your favorite music.
• Do I spend enough time with friends? This is just as serious as the others. You need social connection for complete mental wellness. Your spouse cannot meet all your social and intellectual needs. Maybe combine this with exercise and go for a walk or combine it with lunch - you have to eat, why not with a friend?
• What have I created lately? Even if you have creative responsibilities at work, think outside of the wheel of productivity. Have you painted, cooked, woven a basket, planted a garden? Running out of ideas? Reorganize your pantry and bask in the beauty of order!!

Once all those things are running on schedule, then it's time to figure out if there's something really big wrong with you. Take a bit of control, one day, one action at a time.

Some of us have a more accurate view of ourself than others.

puppies are bad for your teeth

A friend from Germany asked, "Why do all Americans talk in a high voice when they're around babies and puppies?" Granted I don't know if the condition applies to all Americans, but I do see a trend. Now that we have a puppy, I can attest to the silly, high-pitched confessions of undying love to this little black fur ball we call Riley.

There's another trend that my girls can attest has been quite bothersome. Whenever we're around puppies and babies, we clench our teeth to the point of having a headache.

I wake up, I see the puppy, I clench my teeth.
I tell the puppy goodbye in the morning ... and clench my teeth.
I come home and greet the happy puppy, and clench my teeth.

Nobody ever told me that having a puppy would be bad for my teeth. There are a number of reasons doctors and dentists tell you why we clench our teeth, especially orthodontists who want to realign your jaw so your teeth will fit naturally together. I fixed this with a good night guard.

While Medicine.net might tell you that your teeth grinding is related to stress, you'll never read on Web MD or any other Internet doctor site that the cause of headaches is puppies. The best well-rounded article I've found is on Discovery Health. There's never a simple, single reason for why we do self-destructive things. The answer covers all corners of your life: heart, soul, mind and strength. We have to be mindful of a problem in order to fix it and in some case we have to put a little sweat behind it to redirect the stress. Exercise is part of the whole solution.

So next time you find that jaw clenched shut, take a breath and a yawn. Take a deep breath. Remember that you want to keep you teeth for a long time, so close your eyes, think on something good, be mindful to relax your jaw and breathe.

And kiss your puppy.

mid-life unraveling

What some people call a mid-life crisis, I like to think of as an "unraveling." Picture the knotted cord of the mini blind that needs to be unraveled for it to work properly. This is my life mid stream.

Brene Brown captures this beautifully in the preface of The Gifts of Imperfection, "People may call what happens at midlife a "crisis," but it's not. It's an unraveling--a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you're 'supposed' to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are."

Ahh. I can't express the immense relief I feel in reading this. As much as I admire the likes of Carly Fiorina and Sheryl Sandberg, I don't think I'm destined to be a chief executive, or even a vice president, in this lifetime. As much as I'd like to think I have to offer, this is not my debt to society. Every time I've had an opportunity to advance, I've taken a step back instead. Why?

Life is about choices and trade offs. Is there a single universal divine will for each life? Roughly, yes. Bernard Shaw wrote, "Where is the life I have lost in living?" Years ago I realized what he meant. There's a pursuit of some lifestyle that seems to rob us of the life we are destined to live. Lose the striving for the lifestyle and, voila, you have a full, happy, wholehearted life.

season of restraint

I missed (blew off) the Ash Wednesday service, but my yoga class tonight opened up clear direction on my intentions to practice some type of spiritual discipline this Easter season.

Mindful restraint.

Not original to me, the opposite of poverty is not wealth, but enough. It goes without saying that in America that word is seldom heard. We are very mindful of our comfort and particular about our pleasure. Where I work, every day is a reminder of the difference enough means in different cultures. We see both ends of poverty - hopeless and hope fulfilled. We see it in the life of a young woman released from poverty and becoming a judge, a lawyer, a doctor.

What do I hope for as a middle class white mother of three? A bigger house? A new car? College tuition for my kids? I'm not advocating that we shouldn't have that stuff, but I'm mindfully aware that my comfort and pleasure take a high priority in my life. It's time they take a back seat for a spell and practice mindful restraint in what I eat and take time when I drink coffee ...or wine...to drink with a friend. To truly take a break. To work hard and rest well.

In curious to know what you're doing to slow down this season or to get more out of life. Abundant life is a promise. It's how we spend it that's the key.

things I vow NOT to do this year

When was it that we all voted on exhaustion as a status symbol? (Thanks, Brene Brown). As I was leaving work on Friday, I ran into a colleague and noted in passing, "It's been a productive week. You have to feel good going into the weekend." As he proceeded through the door he sighed, "No matter. I'm working all weekend anyway."

At first I felt guilty that I don't plan to haul my work home for the weekend and then I reminded myself of the things I said I would not do in 2013 so that I can live a balanced life. When George Bernard Shaw said, "I want to be thoroughly used up when I die" I don't think he was talking about letting his life get sucked into the vortex of one thing without tending the rest. All of the categories of life - work, play, family, friends - are meant to work in concert and not opposition. So in the spirit of Shaw and Brown both, I have decided that in 2013 I will not:

• take my day job home with me.
• permit myself to blow off exercise, unless I'm sick.
• stress over the pressure to grow plants in my house; I'll use the planter to collect wine corks.
• let my herbs mildew in the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
• stress over mildewed food in the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
• use the three step system for washing my fact; two will do.
• keep my house pristine; I compensate with low lighting.
• cook dinner every night; my children are old enough to heat a frozen pizza.
• schedule impossible-to-meet back-to-back commitments; my life needs more margin.
• leave the house in a rush without kissing my husband and kids; they're the why for most of life.

What are you doing to add margin or value in your life?