Friday, March 29, 2013

mid-life unraveling

What some people call a mid-life crisis, I like to think of as an "unraveling." Picture the knotted cord of the mini blind that needs to be unraveled for it to work properly. This is my life mid stream.

Brene Brown captures this beautifully in the preface of The Gifts of Imperfection, "People may call what happens at midlife a "crisis," but it's not. It's an unraveling--a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you're 'supposed' to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are."

Ahh. I can't express the immense relief I feel in reading this. As much as I admire the likes of Carly Fiorina and Sheryl Sandberg, I don't think I'm destined to be a chief executive, or even a vice president, in this lifetime. As much as I'd like to think I have to offer, this is not my debt to society. Every time I've had an opportunity to advance, I've taken a step back instead. Why?

Life is about choices and trade offs. Is there a single universal divine will for each life? Roughly, yes. Bernard Shaw wrote, "Where is the life I have lost in living?" Years ago I realized what he meant. There's a pursuit of some lifestyle that seems to rob us of the life we are destined to live. Lose the striving for the lifestyle and, voila, you have a full, happy, wholehearted life.


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