puppies are bad for your teeth

A friend from Germany asked, "Why do all Americans talk in a high voice when they're around babies and puppies?" Granted I don't know if the condition applies to all Americans, but I do see a trend. Now that we have a puppy, I can attest to the silly, high-pitched confessions of undying love to this little black fur ball we call Riley.

There's another trend that my girls can attest has been quite bothersome. Whenever we're around puppies and babies, we clench our teeth to the point of having a headache.

I wake up, I see the puppy, I clench my teeth.
I tell the puppy goodbye in the morning ... and clench my teeth.
I come home and greet the happy puppy, and clench my teeth.

Nobody ever told me that having a puppy would be bad for my teeth. There are a number of reasons doctors and dentists tell you why we clench our teeth, especially orthodontists who want to realign your jaw so your teeth will fit naturally together. I fixed this with a good night guard.

While Medicine.net might tell you that your teeth grinding is related to stress, you'll never read on Web MD or any other Internet doctor site that the cause of headaches is puppies. The best well-rounded article I've found is on Discovery Health. There's never a simple, single reason for why we do self-destructive things. The answer covers all corners of your life: heart, soul, mind and strength. We have to be mindful of a problem in order to fix it and in some case we have to put a little sweat behind it to redirect the stress. Exercise is part of the whole solution.

So next time you find that jaw clenched shut, take a breath and a yawn. Take a deep breath. Remember that you want to keep you teeth for a long time, so close your eyes, think on something good, be mindful to relax your jaw and breathe.

And kiss your puppy.

mid-life unraveling

What some people call a mid-life crisis, I like to think of as an "unraveling." Picture the knotted cord of the mini blind that needs to be unraveled for it to work properly. This is my life mid stream.

Brene Brown captures this beautifully in the preface of The Gifts of Imperfection, "People may call what happens at midlife a "crisis," but it's not. It's an unraveling--a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you're 'supposed' to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are."

Ahh. I can't express the immense relief I feel in reading this. As much as I admire the likes of Carly Fiorina and Sheryl Sandberg, I don't think I'm destined to be a chief executive, or even a vice president, in this lifetime. As much as I'd like to think I have to offer, this is not my debt to society. Every time I've had an opportunity to advance, I've taken a step back instead. Why?

Life is about choices and trade offs. Is there a single universal divine will for each life? Roughly, yes. Bernard Shaw wrote, "Where is the life I have lost in living?" Years ago I realized what he meant. There's a pursuit of some lifestyle that seems to rob us of the life we are destined to live. Lose the striving for the lifestyle and, voila, you have a full, happy, wholehearted life.

season of restraint

I missed (blew off) the Ash Wednesday service, but my yoga class tonight opened up clear direction on my intentions to practice some type of spiritual discipline this Easter season.

Mindful restraint.

Not original to me, the opposite of poverty is not wealth, but enough. It goes without saying that in America that word is seldom heard. We are very mindful of our comfort and particular about our pleasure. Where I work, every day is a reminder of the difference enough means in different cultures. We see both ends of poverty - hopeless and hope fulfilled. We see it in the life of a young woman released from poverty and becoming a judge, a lawyer, a doctor.

What do I hope for as a middle class white mother of three? A bigger house? A new car? College tuition for my kids? I'm not advocating that we shouldn't have that stuff, but I'm mindfully aware that my comfort and pleasure take a high priority in my life. It's time they take a back seat for a spell and practice mindful restraint in what I eat and take time when I drink coffee ...or wine...to drink with a friend. To truly take a break. To work hard and rest well.

In curious to know what you're doing to slow down this season or to get more out of life. Abundant life is a promise. It's how we spend it that's the key.

things I vow NOT to do this year

When was it that we all voted on exhaustion as a status symbol? (Thanks, Brene Brown). As I was leaving work on Friday, I ran into a colleague and noted in passing, "It's been a productive week. You have to feel good going into the weekend." As he proceeded through the door he sighed, "No matter. I'm working all weekend anyway."

At first I felt guilty that I don't plan to haul my work home for the weekend and then I reminded myself of the things I said I would not do in 2013 so that I can live a balanced life. When George Bernard Shaw said, "I want to be thoroughly used up when I die" I don't think he was talking about letting his life get sucked into the vortex of one thing without tending the rest. All of the categories of life - work, play, family, friends - are meant to work in concert and not opposition. So in the spirit of Shaw and Brown both, I have decided that in 2013 I will not:

• take my day job home with me.
• permit myself to blow off exercise, unless I'm sick.
• stress over the pressure to grow plants in my house; I'll use the planter to collect wine corks.
• let my herbs mildew in the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
• stress over mildewed food in the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
• use the three step system for washing my fact; two will do.
• keep my house pristine; I compensate with low lighting.
• cook dinner every night; my children are old enough to heat a frozen pizza.
• schedule impossible-to-meet back-to-back commitments; my life needs more margin.
• leave the house in a rush without kissing my husband and kids; they're the why for most of life.

What are you doing to add margin or value in your life?

falling well

Listening to Daughtry as I write, this first week of the new year has made a poignant impact on my resolve. Santa brought skis for Christmas. The year started with a ski day at Copper Mountain January 1. 16º and intermittent sun made it difficult to move, difficult to enjoy skiing without stopping to blow in my hands. To boot (no pun intended), my boots were too large, which left me little to know ability to navigate. I fell more times in one day than in the 20 years I've skied. Here's the fun part.

There was a juncture rendering two choices: return my skis and take up reading in the lodge or keep the skis and try again in a few weeks, maybe with better boots. On a warmer day.

Whatever it is you tried last year that didn't work, it's not over yet. Yes, you will fall. Yes, it will hurt. Yes, mean people will laugh and tell you to give it up. We can't get rid of the mean people, but we can change the way we respond to them.

This is the year to learn to laugh at failure. Fall with grace, if not just a sense of humor. Get up and attack your mountain again.

wholeheartedness: a short study on daring greatly

I've always been a skeptic about what I call  "fluff" psychology. I didn't think it possible to find an academic who studies matters of the heart. While I'm a bonafide "feeler" according to Meyers Briggs, I'm also addicted to the scientific process. It's the journalist in me that requires all "facts" backed up with valid research references.

Enter Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, whose dissertation included what it takes to live wholehearted-- a lifelong pursuit of mine. In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown defines ten guideposts for wholehearted living:

1. Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think
2. Cultivating Self Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism
3. Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark
5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty
6. Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison
7. Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self Worth
8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
9. Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and "Supposed to"
10. Cultivating Laughter, Song and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and Always in Control

I followed this with a four page study of the translations of the word heart in the New Living Translation of the Bible, which shows seven different Hebrew and six different Greek translations of heart. When you compare these to the word wholehearted, it all comes back down to the inner man, the combination of the mind, will, understanding and the inclination or resolution to act on that.

This heart as the seat of appetites, emotions and courage renders Brene Brown’s research relevant from a scriptural point of view. There is no courage to dare or live wholly without an elemental understanding of the heart. Our emotions must be rooted properly, like a strong tree, in order for our courage to engage. This is why food has so many emotional ties. If we satiate our appetites too well, our heart becomes flaccid, just as poor nourishment grows shallow roots, and our courage will be empty. Interesting how this might be connected to America's infamous obesity crisis and a rampant rise among our youth in an inflated sense of entitlement.

If I'm reaching a bit too far in drawing parallels, challenge me. I think Brown is onto something that would change the way we live if we could just apply it. What do you think?

your heart 360º, life's wellspring

There's an old proverb that says "a man's heart is the wellspring of life." The word wellspring is used in so many ways these days that it's hard to actually find a reference that defines the original use, how well water is taken from the ground. You don't build a well just anywhere. You have to know where the water is. You have to know that it's running, not stagnant.

I left a glass of water on the bathroom counter one day after I left for work and my husband reminded me that standing water is a magnet for germs. Water from the rain is fairly pure (generally), but once it collects and stagnates on the ground it breeds little swimming things.

What's swimming around in the water of your mind today? Is your mind filled with things that are true or polluted with bitterness, discontent or insecurity?

Have you ever been the one who wasn't invited to a really great party? Have you ever seen two people whispering? You just KNOW they're talking about you. Someone you really respect doesn't make it to your book launch and you're certain they don't have the heart to tell you they don't like the book. These are all examples of that cesspool of lies and speculation. There's no truth in them.

So what do we do to keep the well fresh?
1. Read something that's true, like scripture or an inspirational book. Read it aloud.
2. Sing. Roll up your car windows or sing in the shower if you don't like how it sounds, but let the vibration of music resonate through your body. It will change your outlook on the day.
3. Act. Movement changes minds. Action speaks louder than words. Maybe what you need is a good walk with your headphones or maybe you need to write a letter or make a meal for someone. Act.